Wherein I impress someone important, ala Diablo Cody

This is the part of my website wherein I endeavor to impress you with my wildly creative way with words and make you say, "Oh my gosh, I totes have to sign/hire/option this writer immediately, just like Diablo Cody!"

But unfortunately (or, one could argue, fortunately...), I don't have a bunch of dirty stripper stories like she did, and the most impressive parts of my life (i.e. birthing three kids with zero pain meds) aren't exactly that flashy. I could tell you why I want to eventually have nine kids, but that would probably just make you write me off as a total psycho, so we'll save that for someday when we're both a couple drinks in somewhere.

But hey, maybe I can regale you with stories of cleaning cow manure as teenager. That would always be fun. We'll see if I can come up with something better. Because I somehow doubt I'll be able to go viral or be discovered by writing about literal shit.